Deliver or Perish

Right now, more then ever , i am scared. uncertain of whats in store for tomorrow, unsure of what i want.And this feeling doesn't stem from lack of good things or an excess of bad things.Life is in a good balance in itself.I, the one who had a certain amount of disdain to every thing he ever did, am feeling insufficient for the task at hand.I never could have imagined that i would come to this, to be apprehensive of smallest of things, weary of people,and cautious of what i do or say.Not that i was ever too boorish or reckless, but the effortless flow with which i lived my life seems to have gone missing.I don't know the reason but i guess the mindset that i had doing the toughest of the things, picking the most daunting of the tasks from the choices, is back firing on me.I used to seek satisfaction by pushing my self to the limit, reasoning it as something that would help me grow.I hated the envelop of comfort around me, because that for me is a sign of stagnation.However, now i need easy things in my life, may be not for more then a few days but i need it never the less.
Its no more Deliver or perish that i wanna operate by.
i wanna stand and smell the roses, i wanna sit on a rock n ponder.
and just simply said wanna take things easy and be generous to myself.