i am my own Hero

I have always had this feeling that deep inside me there is a child , who wants to be a hero .
there is this some part of me which always wants to do the glorified thing, overlooking
the logic or the need behind it. and at times i do give in to this lust of being my own hero .
in turn i have to sacrifice my comfort, personal time,productivity or my heart felt pursuits,
because these things do not fit in any where in my normal scheme of life.

Each one of us has a hidden desire to do the inordinate, the undone,the unequal, the
kinds which we can later narrate in our accounts, the kinds which wins admiration of
the small folk,and that has been the truth of the human nature.

Weather its the explorations , expeditions,wars to extend empires to have the most,
the biggest ,the best or dedicated pursuits for an innovation, radical creations ,anything
noble and unique came out of this human spirit of doing the different.

But today as i see it.. the spirit has been mortified and reduced to a petty greed.
We indulge in ,or wish to indulge in those act off heroism , not for the triumph of our
own souls, and not to test our valor. But to seek approvals, to be talked about,to
seek popularity or notoriety alike.At times to find a boost for our ever depleted self
esteems or to just create a false sense of superiority.

I have behaved in this manner at times, not wanting to struggle, or when i wanted to get
away from the muck for a while.Whats worse it that i am able to see through other's
acts aimed at achieving this fake supremacy.

From "dude" to "bro" with office cab and an enfield

when we got down from the cab all that i wanted was to be in my bed, listening to GNR or pearl-jam ..
Had a tough day at the office and the next day was all set to be worse.. so wanted to crash early.
it was already past 10 ,i was seriously sleepy.the other person with me, a co worker n a neighbor dashed to her place saying " look to ur left" .
i did not care to do that n walked on, but for some reason i turned back to take a look at what could she be pointing to .. and amidst the fog settling in i tried to comprehend a figure sitting in front of a dirty smudgy wall. There sat the dude.. n his enfield parked next to him .. i walked over to him n we set off talking. "things people do when in love struck " i thought to my self, as i gathered that he had just been waiting there to catch a glimpse of her get down from the cab n enter her adobe. initially i was unimpressed,so i tried to talk abt the bike instead, the bike was a beauty none the less.
what i noticed was that the dude was honest in being there.though the couple was very much on, these things can give so much wheels to a budding romance.A good conversation, around 20 minutes and a few confessions later ( the kinds u usually expect others to make when they are in an inebriated state) i felt sleepy no more.
though unusual of me but i felt happy and sad at the same time, happy at not being the only one with a small wannabe hero in me,happy at seeing folk around me happy (surprised my self at that too),happy at being out in the cold, happy at being tired.
and sad at still being eluded by romance.
sad to see how people rush-into things, sad to see hw people go thru frenzies of making new relationships.
though happy to have become a "bro" from "dude" for him.

cryptic talks... code langugage for those sneaky talks!!

very often i find my self in the middle of a great conversation, where though we are a group of people around , but only the two people involved in the conversation are able to comprehend it.
that's not because the topic of conversation is of no interest to others but because the talks are cryptic..
and these cryptic talks are not rehearsed or thought over.. the mutually understandable codes are created on the fly.
while me n my friend had to talk about a certain female who happened to be present there, we devised a code for our self..
"yaar there are a lot of glitches in this project" i said.. obviously referring to the chick as the project..
he was able to pick up the sense of it and carried on ..
" are there problems on the logistics basis(referring to money) or on the architectural basis.. " i must confess i kinda lost it rite here for a moment but with a few seconds of thought over the conversation caught the flow. ..
so while the girls behaviour towards other men .. was labeled as "interfaces"
and the lack of available time i had for her became "limited bandwidth ".
the fact that i did not take her calls when annoyed was labeled "packet failure"
and my disinterest due to such fuzzy behaviour was called "attrition".
for telling me to check up the involvement of any other guy, my friends advised me to do "rigorous testing".
and being a bugger he is, when he asked me about what going on between me n the girl from another company..
i replied affirming it as... " i am looking at the possibilities of migrating to a new platform".
all this while the other people in the group were busy in there conversations and we two were also exchanging one liners with others.

so here i go...

I know I am really really late in jumping the wagon of this blogging craze. Anyone and everyone with a little bit of a writer somewhere within him or her is already here, and so is yours truly from now on .
II must confess that I looked down on the idea of blogging being used as a vent to peoples thoughts, as I really feel the best way to say any thing is in spoken words, but then I realize that a blog allows you to reach a very large audience(readers). So I am hoping that my blog helps in evolving my thoughts in a way that they can appeal to others and not just me.